mirch masala

Crossroads

2006-10-28T11:05:00.000Z

Standing at the crossroads of life,
As I looked back at the sheltered haven -
The age of innocence that I left behind,
I cringed at the thought of the bleak, icy world ahead.
I yearned to go back to the warm cosy hearth of the tiny schoolyard.
But as I stopped to watch the crowd around the glowing embers,
Waiting for someone to come and hold my hand
I found the tiny hands reaching out to only other tiny hands,
My weary voice a misfit among peals of childish laughter.
Then I looked outside once more
Into the face of the bleak dark night.
I spied a familiar hand lighting a bonfire of new hopes and new dreams.
I found hands that fitted my hands
And voices to match my own.
I found the place where I belonged -
And the bleakness melted away.

This post was originally written at the eve of leaving high school..... the sentiments are however repeated ever so often...at every crucial juncture in life...

Unanswered questions

2006-07-16T22:09:00.000Z

Have you ever felt like your whole world is crashing around you? That your well nurtured hopes and dreams are disappearing into thin air? That there were things and people you had believed in and were willing to stand by.... and now you don't know what to think?

How do you resist pressure from near and dear ones .... when you know they have your best interests at heart? ... How do you stay neutral when two loved ones have a difference in opinion?

I may be misjudging someone..... I don't know ... and I am prepared to hear it out with an open mind .... give him the benefit of doubt .... for my own sake as well his... But the question is ..how do I know which is the right path to choose..... that I would not regret in times to come?

Destiny

2006-07-12T00:17:00.000Z

Riding high on the crest of joy
Only to fall headlong into the trench of despair.
One moment of bliss soon whisked away
By a lifetime of despondency.
To remain a puppet in the hands of fate,
To bear her thousand moods -
Angry one moment, forgiving the next
But formidable forever.

The warriors of yore
Proved their mettle
Against the demons of folklore.
My demon is my own destiny
And resilience my sword.

copyright 1996

all about me

2006-06-29T10:17:00.000Z

I have been tagged again by Educated Unemployed
As she predicted, it was fun doing it... not the least coz its all about myself. :)
So here goes:

I am thinking about
The future .... which way will my career go ..... where will I settle ...

I said
This is what I want to do in life .... and now I'm doing it.

I want
To be happy. To be pampered.

I wish
I could pack my bags and leave right now on a world trip.

I miss
Home. Parents. College life. Ghar ka khana.

I hear
His voice .... telling me how much he loves me.

I wonder
How things will change after marriage.

I regret
Nothing major.

I am
Optimistic.

I dance
When I'm happy. With or without music.

I sing
All the time. If not aloud, then at least in my head.

I cry
Usually in private. Or at the most in front of 1 - 2 people I'm close to.

I am not always
Able to answer back to people who've been mean.

I write
Not often enough.

I confuse
People when I use lesser known references/ quotations and fail to convey the meaning it has for me...

I need
To learn driving. Pass my exam. Move forward in my career.

I should
Be more organised. Stop wasting time. Write more often.

I finish
Books (fiction) at lightning speed.

I tag
Alice in Wonderland(Me, myself and I reign)
Obi Wan

Confession

2006-06-04T00:13:00.000Z

I've been away from the blogworld for a little while now.....for various reasons....work, problems with the internet.....and so on. I'm finally back....surprisingly with an open confession.

I fell head over heels in love the first time I set eyes on her. It didn't matter one jot that my fiancé was with me ... in fact I knew he was admiring her too ... But I wasn't the least bit jealous. Coz I was completely bowled out myself.

What made her so attractive? Was it nature's stunning endowments? Was it the quirky mix of old world charm and new age sex appeal? Or was it the hint of her mysterious past? All I knew was that her beauty and charisma was so compelling, it made me forget everything else.

It's been a few days now since we had to part. Our affair lasted only three days. But those three days were absolutely magical. I hope I can see her again some time. I'm willing to wait. But sometime definitely I shall meet her again. Yes, Edinburgh, I can never forget you.

Journey

2006-03-20T12:06:00.000Z

I found it very interesting to see the flurry of comments on my post 'Alone'. The same thought can be viewed both in a positive and a negative way. There were people who found it depressing to think that at the end of the day we are all alone... that no one can be with us throughout our journey. To them i will only say:

Our roads may be different
Yet they cross now and then
Giving us the chance to walk a few steps together
Knowing that these few steps will not go in vain

Its wonderful how some strangers and brief encounters can sometimes leave an indelible impression. There is no point crying over the fact that an acquaintance, a friendship, a relationship may not be forever. We should live each moment as it comes and rejoice in the fact that we did have some beautiful experiences to treasure. And remember that though we may be a solitary traveller, we would not be able to make this journey without several known and unknown faces - those who have eased the paths for us, provided shelter when needed. And in the midst of our lonely voyage, we will keep visiting our favourite 'inns and lodges'. And find a few fellow travellers who will accompany us part of the way.

Dreams..?

2006-03-04T21:21:00.000Z

Many dreams passed by as memories of the past.
Some lie in store for our hopeful tomorrows.
What's left for today are the moments of tension -

The bittersweet feelings of anticipation.

Alone

2006-02-23T02:05:00.000Z

I have many friends, yet I'm all alone.
And I'm not the only one in the business of lonelihood.
For the world is a lonely, lonely place.
Every moment is solitary,
Each soul bears its burdens alone.
We may laugh and share and cry together
Yet we all are essentially alone.
We all have our own life to lead,
Our own destiny to follow.
So we meet and part, then meet again
Yet remain forever alone.

India calling

2006-02-13T17:30:00.000Z

Dialled a service number today...and hey presto, there was an Indian name and an Indian accent on the other end of the line. Ha....Indian call centres....what would we do without them, I thought..... Well, the work was sorted out instantly with none of the painful longwinded explanations I thought would be necessary. And then he asked: are you from India, ma'am?

Those five words sparked off an interesting conversation. Seemed amazing that in those few minutes I felt so close to home..... I was speaking to someone sitting in my own city, not too far from my house..... He wanted to apply for an MBA in UK and was quizzing me about the cost of living and way of life here.... while I enquired after the weather there and the latest happenings in town....

Reminded me of a serial on call centres - 'India calling' (on Sony TV, I think) that had started a few months ago when I lasted visited India. Only managed to catch the first few episodes, but it seemed entertaining. Wonder if it's caught on with the general viewing public..... or has the novelty factor fizzled out ..? Would be certainly interesting to get glimpses of behind-the-scene activity in a real call centre.....

And yes, to my young call centre friend of today: Thank you and wish you all the best.....

Four's company

2006-02-09T15:38:00.000Z

So I've been tagged again by educatedunemployed.

Four Jobs I have had:
Doctor
Magazine editor
Chorus leader
Event organiser

note: Like my friend EU, all my proper jobs have been as a doctor, though in different hospitals. The last three are things I've done in college.... (just included for sake of completing the tag)

Four movies I could watch over and over:
Gone with the wind
Father of the Bride
Chupke Chupke
Dil Chahta Hai

Four places I've lived:
New Delhi,India
Calcutta/ Kolkata, India
several cities in UK - Birmingham, Oxford, London, Cardiff etc
Gronigen, Netherlands

Four TV Shows I love to watch:
Friends (yes, even now!)
Scrubs
Ally McBeal
Any saas/ bahu antics (once in a while)

Four places I've been on vacation to:
Lake district, England
Snowdonia, Wales
Germany [though I was too young to have (m)any memories]
Goa, Rajasthan, Nainital etc - India

Four of my favourite foods:
Sweet and sour chicken made by my mum
Strawberry cheesecake
Chocolate in any form - icecream/ milkshake/cake/ muffins
Juicy fruits - mango/ pear/ litchee etc etc

Four places I'd rather be right now:
HOME
Home
Err? home
And umm?. Home!

Having made my point, I shall prepare a new list now:
Home (India)
Hiking in Snowdonia (Wales)
On a beach in Australia
Disneyland, California

Four sites I visit daily:
www.yahoo.co.uk
www.rediff.com
www.inspirationplease.blogspot.com
the hospital intranet where I work

Four bloggers I'm tagging:
No one in particular. Anyone who reads this is welcome....

A New Tomorrow

2006-02-01T17:52:00.000Z

She sighed at all those wasted years,
Dreams left unfulfilled,
At all that life had promised once
Then took back vengefully.
But a little voice inside her said
To give up means to die,
As long as life is left for you
Your hopes must not run dry.

The words rang true and thoughts flashed by,
Memories half forgotten -
Of all those times when all was lost
Yet victory still shone clear;
The days of waiting justified
By the final hour of bliss

So strength returned to her weathered soul,
Her spirit gained respite.
Determined to shed no more tears
Over her sorry plight,
She swore to battle against all odds
Despite her cup of sorrows.
She picked up the threads of yesterday
To weave a new tomorrow.

twin souls

2006-01-25T12:21:00.000Z

Just pondering over a recent post on sayesha's world .... it was about our 'inner annoying nerd' (= IAN)...that voice inside us which keeps us burning the midnight oil and striving to excel, when all we want to do is curl up and snooze.

It's funny how many opposing personae we all hide in ourselves (excuse me if i sound schizophrenic!). for instance:

Inner annoying nerd (IAN) - as discussed above
vs
Lazy inner being (LIB) - loves to remain in bed till late afternoon..... ... allows two months worth of dirty clothes to pile up as long as there's one last clean pair of socks at the bottom of the drawer.... doesn't care a damn for deadlines........(so, i'll get thrown out of my job?...yippee - more time to sleep...zzzzzz)....complete antithesis to IAN...

miss goody two shoes - finishes her own work and will often help out others as well......incorrigibly truthful (often to her own detriment). ...used to be teacher's pet in school .... very prim and proper with the guys (no batting of eyelashes/seductive pouts etc etc)
vs
evil eyed devil - loves to bitch about others..... lies to save her skin... plots how to show up that irritating colleague in front of the boss... sarcastic and overbearing to juniors who don't match up to her expectations.... lusts over hunks.....

my yin - techno-savvy geek, travels fearlessly at midnight, squashes spiders without qualms, pays the dinner bill at dates (sometimes!), swears when annoyed, lifts my BF's luggage, keeps the room like a pig-sty, can't be bothered about my appearance all the time...
vs
my yang - craves window shopping, jewellery, flowers, endless chats on the phone, loves it when BF opens the door for me, feels a surge of maternal instinct on seeing an adorable baby...

I recently watched the hindi film 'gol maal' after a long time. For those who haven't seen it - its about this lovable young chap Ram, who dons a nerdish get-up, spouts philosophy and feigns ignorance of sports to impress his eccentric boss and keep his job. Mind you, he's a good soul and very efficient at his job as an accountant. One day he lies to get an day off (to attend a hockey test match), gets found out by his boss and is thereafter compelled to masquarade as his imaginary twin Laxman - who is irreverent, wears flashy clothes, is passionate about music and sports, and manages to woo the boss's daughter with great elan.

Apart from the fact that the film is a complete laugh riot that never fails to cheer me up - it also highlights the point i'm making. That we all have twin souls inside us that may be contrasting, but which co-exist and complement each other. Yes, life is a constant tussle between them. But we don't have to suppress one in favour of the other. It's all about striking a balance.....

Tagged....at last!

2006-01-21T13:58:00.000Z

I have been tagged....at last! By my good friend Educated Unemployed...who is probably the only reader of my blog.... :)
As a relative newcomer to the world of blogging, I don't know who I should tag coz although I follow a quite a few blogs, I've been more of a silent spectator, never really commenting much..... So instead of tagging specific people, I'll throw open the challenge to anyone who reads this:

The rules:
(1) write a 100-to-200-word entry using the following words: I, me, blow job, grapes, random, power, loneliness, water, robot and blue;
(2) use these words once and only once; and of course
(3) the entry should make sense.

so here goes:

She still recalled that fatal moment ..... when she'd walked in on him getting a blow job from that other woman. The hurt .... the helplessness .... those cold blue eyes mocking her .... the derisive voice saying 'you can't leave me, you have nowhere to go' .... Those cruel words kept playing on her mind again and again .... She was in a trance as she looked at the surfeit of tablets lying on the desk .... she reached out for a glass of water, her actions mechanical like a robot .... Oh, it was so tempting to succumb to the pain and loneliness .... to take the easy way out ....

The sound of the telephone jolted her back to reality. 'What am I doing?' she thought, horrified. The minutes passed by as random memories swirled in her head .... of the signs she had overlooked all these days .... And slowly, painfully, realisation dawned ..... may be it was a blessing in disguise .... she didn't need him in her life anymore. He just wasn't worth it. A case of sour grapes? Hardly. She still felt hurt, betrayed and angry .... but she didn't love him anymore. She finally had the power to break away.

193 words

Every cloud has a silver lining

2006-01-17T14:52:00.000Z

Life is tough and hard sometimes
With only clouds and no sunshines
You feel so helpless and so weak
When the past seems blurred, the future bleak
And fortune thwarts the goals you seek

You throw your hands up in the air
And say that it just wasn't fair
And when it gets too hard to bear
You hang your head down in despair

But whatever happens you musn't quit
You must hang on and do your bit
For there is always a ray of hope
There always is a way to cope
Despite the storm, the sun's still shining
And every cloud has a silver lining

An Ode to my Love

2005-12-31T08:08:00.000Z

Wine red blossoms at my window
they remind me of you.
As the world is showering praises
my heart is aching for you.
I can never forget the night
you asked me out for the dance.
As the wind caressed my open hair
there was magic in the air.
Recall the old man named Fernando
who sang and strummed on his guitar;
the notes that called for his beloved
for whom he's pining from afar.
My heart is playing those same notes now,
can't you hear it in the breeze?
Even if you walk away now
my love for you will never cease.

of gifts and more gifts

2005-12-29T10:46:00.000Z

christmas has come and gone...and now we await the new year. the whole world seems in a mad rush to :
a) shop (when else but boxing day will you get such fantastic sales?)
b) party and booze (you should have seen the stream of drunk patients in A&E on Xmas eve)
c) exchange cards and gifts

And while yours truly has been working all over the long weekend (hence out of action re: points a and b).... there has been some action on the card/gift front. Have distributed cards amongst people at work....received cards from colleagues too..... a gift from my bosses...and a lovely one from my best friend (have yet to send her card....although thankfully managed to deliver her gift in person).......

But now the most difficult of all - what do i get for my semi-official 'other half'? Have been on tenterhooks all week trying to guess what he's bought me for new year .... (whoever's played twenty questions would know what my recent conversations with him have been like)..... i want to get him something special....this being our first (and hopefully last) new year together as an engaged couple.... (and no...i'm not planning to ditch him......rather waiting for a certain desirable event before the next new year)...... and therein lies the problem - .... what gift could express the sheer joy i feel in his company, what gift could adequately thank him for all the smiles that he's brought not just to my face but deep within my heart? ..... they say it's not the gift, but the thought that matters...... but the problem is - how does one go about articulating that thought???

when i think back at all the gifts i've received in my lifetime.... i think the most memorable ones have been those that were unexpected, unheralded... and yet others have a story behind them.....

like the play kitchenette from my parents when i was 5 or 6 years old (i'd been hankering after it for a while and had given up all hope of it......was acting like a model kid learning to grow up, give up tantrums and avoid being spoilt) ..

like the bouquet from my school and the cash-filled envelope from my biology teacher when my 12th class results were out......

like ..the teddy bear from my hostel mates in college...... i had always believed for a long time that soft toys were for kids...that i'd outgrown the need for them now that i was out of school...and yet for some irrational reason, i'd been recently feeling envious (secretly though) of people who got soft toys as gifts.....

like the necklace from my then boyfriend (now fiance) when he returned from his visit back home..... and the ring that popped out of nowhere when i least expected it, after having waited for it at more 'standard' settings

like the perfume from my best friend (we had both admired the same brand once on a window shopping trip....... i had decided then and there that i'd get her that perfume for her b'day......... and guess what she got me for mine??? - we both swapped gifts the same day by the way..... a predecided meeting on a train as we otherwise hardly get to meet due to the distance)

But above all, i think i'd like to thank God for the most precious gifts of all - the gift of love, life and laughter....... this is one gift which could (and should) be repackaged and passed on to others......

on blogging......

2005-12-27T10:43:00.000Z

after ages, I've picked up the lost threads of my blog again. feels good to back (not that i've been around much anyway!!). and i start to wonder why..........

why are blogs popular? why do we feel the compulsion to share our thoughts with the world at large?

some blogs are very upfront...where you know the identity of the blogger... but others aren't. what role does anonymity play here - does it help us to come out with thoughts or feelings which we would otherwise hesitate to express in front of others (especially those whom we know?)...... when i started this blog, i wondered for a long time whether or not to blog under my real name...... i thought, why am i hesitating .... is it cowardice? am i ashamed of the thoughts i might want to put up?

but then i realised...... sometimes there's nothing wrong in hiding under the veil of anonymity.... sometimes we do it not just to protect our own privacy but also to protect those we care about.... it also makes for more objectivity on the part of readers who may otherwise be known to us......

on that rather serious note, i'll bid adieu for now. but ....i'll be back....soon

2005-09-14T20:49:00.000Z

well....a few struggles and tears later..... i've finally managed to change the template to my liking....hmm........not bad

hey, blogging is fun!

the first plunge

2005-09-14T20:09:00.000Z

Hmm... have just taken my first plunge into the world of blogging. I'd thought the most difficult part would be thinking of something to write in it......... but i was so wrong........ guess what, the toughest part was finding a blog name that no one else had thought of! phew...was that some work!! and the result..... as u can see..."inspiration please"!

now, how did i think of blogging?.... well i'd say it was mainly thanks to sayesha's blog (sayesha.blogspot.com) ..... i realised how you can reach out to people you'd never meet......... build friendships across continents.... blah blah blah..... (sounds so high falutin'........ doesn't it!) ... so, here i am...... dunno if i'll ever write anything worthwhile to others........ but then who cares? at the end of the day, it's my own thoughts penned down for my own sake........